This is a piece I wrote based off of the inspiration I had whilst planning for my first full length novel, and one of the case studies that will be involved in it.
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I wake.
The mounting pressure of the water is pressing against my face, through the flimsy fabric of my clothes. Goose bumps are spread across the surface of my bare hands and feet and wrinkles crease the tips of my fingers. All of this I register first; my consciousness is crawling for sense of my situation, attempting to create a logical answer for my suspended state. I can feel plastic cutting into the skin around my mouth; the strap feels as though it is melded into my skull. It dawns on me that this is my source of oxygen in the water that surrounds me. I release the tension in my hand just as it begins to rise to remove the pressure from my face. The thoughts flying in the confines of my aching skull have finally slowed down enough to register the function of the water that encases me.
A prison.
I force my eyelids open against the pressure of the water and consider my surroundings properly. There are no bars to hold me in place; there is only the cold force of the water, and the shadows that dance behind the glass beyond it. Only the thick tube attached to my mask holds me in place, almost as if to hold me on display, prime viewing. My body has no control over its movements as the water has numbed every inch of my skin and left me draped limply in the water. The sodden clothes that cling to me weigh my lethargic limbs down as I try and push myself to the surface. They will not respond to my attempts to move. I am weary - the water has taken its toll, which sends the first true strike of fear through my body. How long have I been here? The cold is crushing as it runs through me in an instant - the shock that has been ruling my body has run out, and I am left with the crippling cold that sends shockwaves of pain through every nerve ending I possess. I stretch my arms slowly, torturously, trying to reach the edges of my cage. Instead there is only more water to reassure me that I am lost, confined.
My memories are hazy, and I can’t remember the last time I was conscious, but I know this is the first I’ve seen of this watery prison. I know nothing else. My mind is blank but for the water and the limpness of my body. My breath is quickening as the panic courses through my veins, the oxygen mask is tightening across my cheeks as my lungs suck in precious air. I reach for the tube that stretches out into the watery abyss above me and I pull on it tentatively. I am met with an instant shock that courses through me, causing me to recoil far quicker than I thought my lethargic limbs would allow. My breath quickens once more and I feel the aftershock pulsating throughout my body.
I think tears have finally sprung from my eyes but I can’t tell absolutely in the water that weighs down upon me. I can feel my throat constricting as a choked attempt at a sob wracks through my body. I feel as though the pounding of my heart is resonating in every inch of my endless blue prison. Only shadows dance in reaction to my frantic attempts at sobs.
My cage – I have only been conscious for a few elongated minutes, but it is mine now. I am going to die in here. I can feel it. For what else could be my purpose for my place in this prison. There can only be torture for an explanation. Or pleasure from my presence here. But it must lead to my death. There is only inevitably, not probability.
I must be crying now as my mind flashes images of my family in front of my closed eyelids. In the darkness of my mind I find myself wanting to scream, to yell, to weep and I yearn for my freedom. But that would only dislodge the precious lifeline attached to my face. I can’t die yet; I must, but not yet. My mind needs time. For I must also know who has brought me here, who has placed me in this cage, my watery grave. Even with my acceptance of the fate that lies ahead of me my human nature allows me one last glimmer of hope - escape. A distant wish, but a wish just the same.
I twist my head to study the water around me, attempting to squint through the never-ending waters to see out of the glass that contains me. Only shadows greet my longing stares into the water. The urge to scream builds in my chest and it tightens as my fists clench against my cheeks as I desperately try to stay conscious. Panic is rife in my body, vicious in its torrent through my blood stream. The edges of my vision grow dark as my chest heaves in attempt to keep up with my desperate gasps of air. My body finally releases its tension as I fall into darkness once more. I am still grappling with my mind, frantic to remain aware of what little I know of my surroundings. It doesn’t listen. It never does. There is only darkness once more.
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Streams of light are poking through my eyelashes as I struggle to prise my eyes open again. The water is light this time, there must be floodlights streaming in, it feels as though I’m staring directly into the suns unforgiving rays. The cold has truly set in now, and I can feel spikes of pain running through every nerve ending in my now naked body. I shiver as my lack of clothing becomes more evident; I try and pull my arms and legs closer to myself to cover my dignity, but my limbs are still unresponsive. I open my eyes a fraction again, trying to register where the light is coming from, but there appears to be no source, it is simply relentless in its take over of every corner of my prison.
At first there is only light surrounding me, revealing every inch of my skin as I attempt to shy away from the unyielding brightness that illuminates my cell. Then there is shadow, which comes in waves as the water responds to my uncontrollable shivering. The shadows appear as though they are coming towards me on the ripples of the water, but my brain slowly registers that the shadow itself must be coming closer to the edge of the tank. I cannot be sure, for I can’t reach the glass that would reveal this answer to my weary mind.
Hours could have passed but my mind is drained, and my body fatigued and can bear no register of time. Hours, minutes, seconds or even days later I can just see the shape of a wavering figure, warped by the water and the glass that separates us. Both fear and curiosity strike me simultaneously as I slowly realise that the answer for my capture may be within my grasp. Though my death must surely follow.
My captor is here.
I wish I had not woken.
I wish I had screamed.
I wish the oxygen had failed.
I wish.
I scream.